Stress

i want to fucking punch the wall, throw shit around, express all my frustration through violent and arrogant actions. act barbaric and throw tantrums like an immature,spoiled child who doesn’t get what it wants. i want to clench my muscles up until each of them strain and tear. i want to break things.. i want to set things on fire, an arsonist move.. i feel it. i feel fire throughout my body, i want to explode and spread this fire, like wild fire.. these are the signs of stress,frustration and confusion. 

Fuckin’ Little Island People.

“flip”.fuckin’ little, island people. that’s what the foreign soldiers called my thicker than water, blood,vein-rooted boned bruthas and sistas, mothas and fathas,cousins,auntie’s,uncles, sons and daughters. the blood that runs through me came from the little islands in the east, called the philippines. raped, thrown around, run over, conquered over, traditions and customs brought over from japan, spain and all over. hmph.. little island people with our, almond eyes and spanish noses, catholic ways, and island girl waves. can’t tell you how much i love my culture. the phillipine islands,spread like legs, but pride-eyed closure. from baguio to mindanao to the thrillas in manila. mind blowing, clever ,genuine stereotype killas. we’re different compared to the rest of the east. we have these exoctic talents and strong warrior like heart beats. my american filipino peers, have something deeper than what meets the eye. we build the foundation, and bring our peoples traditions back to life.

It started with a “follow” Part 2: The Breakup

i can’t fucking think cos the smell of you still lingers through my neural pathways, the neural pathways we scripted on with our little stories… we’re over.. so this is how you cope? by excessively speeding up your dopamine signals with artificial satisfaction..you’re playing the game real ,real hard. stay sky high. and you think i’m fuckin’ having fun… guns, clicking and clacking.. you shot me through the heart staring in your eyes.. i might as well die today. those big brown eyes, and those long taunting lashes. why were you so fucking beautiful? it would be easier to not care if you were ugly. man… i still care, and every day i still wish you were here. i don’t give a fuck about what anyone says, but what we had was solid.. even though it wasn’t the best. i let you go to take care of my priorities, you walk away, twist my words and let everything be handled by authority. why’re you doing this to me. i let us go for a purpose,and that purpose was for you to take hold of me. grab my heart and lock it with a key.. instead i was stabbed in the chest.. left with “fuck you bitch” and i wish you the best.

Crush,

i have a crush on you, you’re handsome and your lips are the most succulent. you’re beautiful, your mind is so secure, i like. i guarantee if i were to pursue these feelings then i would i crazy. you make my hormones jump and intensify with every move you make, the sound of your voice moistening my forbidden garden, you’re too much for me or my body to even handle. you tickle my curiosity, and my temptation to feel. i am literally crushed by my own fantasies. 

Hunger,

while starving children all around the world starve for food, and the elders starve for salvation.. i hunger for your touch, i yearn for your hands sliding slowly up my body. i want that. the food that feeds their mouths is the tingling sensation in my body that i get from your breath pressed against my neck. your hard breathing is intensifying the moment. i can’t take it .. i bite your lips and taste sweet satisfaction, a sensation so good it explodes into a boiling pot of love. you smell nice. i’m sure after my meal i’ll be ready to fall asleep concerning the “full-itis” .. the “itis” that everyone gets after a big thanksgiving meal… hmm.

Neglected

 you have neglected me as i, you. and your words you’ve given to me.. i lost focus. i was so endeared by all that was surrounding me and the touch of each vowel coming from your lips reaching my body parts.. soothing them and exciting them in ways i’ve never felt before. your words and force of being are so strong. i became too greedy with your inconceivable love.. your desire to love me gave me this sensual gain that i was hungry and starved for.. you then, yet, became my salvation. i wanted my dying moments to be with you, i wanted my dying moment to be a line between pain and pleasure,meaning to my failure of not for-seeing that you’d find that one girl. the girl that’d take your every lustful moment,and desirable and idealistic world away from me.. she took away my ‘every night phone calls’.. the goodmornings that i received every morning in my inbox .. my favorite person to talk to.. she took away the hobby sharing and laughter, the joking around, the crying and advice giving… i miss those days.. i miss our couple of months trial. i look at our relationship in seasons.. we were sprung in spring,and our summer was hot, i fell for you in fall, and in winter.. our love rot. 

His Beauty

his beauty was soul swallowing , and his words were so filled with joyous and wonderful things that seemed so surreal. they applied me to his wonderland that was only made for me and him. looking back at the time, it seems as if i was never even really near him, not even in his peripheral vision. i didn’t exist in his world.. he was too beautiful. not even the scent was real. it was just a fiction of imagination. a factor of my cerebral pathways that imagined this perfected male figure in my life. one that i happened to have fallen in love with. he wasn’t real.. just debris in my tornado of wonders and wants, curiosities and collisions of dreams. one day, i will fall for reality. but right now.. i’ll wander far,very far in the happenings in my two-scent, natural-endorphin-no-more,blasted out brain.

You said,

Long distance was impossible, Improbable.. You said that you loved me, But you were sitting there, Flirting with other girls.. Making them smile just the way you did me. Making their day’s just a little brighter, Just like you did for me. The petnames, the serenades, the smiles,the phonecalls,the everything. I counted everyone of them in my heart. Not gonna lie, You made me want you , more and more. But i guess it lead to this, What we had is nothing now. It’s hard to believe that we never talk anymore, It’s hard to believe that we don’t keep in touch, Not even because we don’t want to.. It’s just that we Don’t. Period. I never lied every time i said that i missed you. When i said i missed you, I really meant I “missed” YOU. You, and your sweet ,sweet, words. They all amounted up to bliss,And i can’t believe how beautiful it was. 

It’s like I’m at a loss of words when I talk to you, Cause sometimes I just don’t really even know what to say. If I could say one thing , is that I “like” you , forever and a day. We kept this at a moderate, so we wouldn’t lose our grasp on this thing called “us” Trust, not easy to gain, Yet so easy to lose. And You, you were the one that I said I’d choose. Chosen like Pokémon, I choose you. Days are so cold when I miss out on talking to you, Because your words, and your “hello’s” and , “hey’s” and greetings for the beginning of days warm me up like the cozy days id sit and drink hot chocolate in a cup, and just cool it on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me.  I’d say “where have you been all my life”, When will you white gown me and make me your wife? waitwaitwait, no. scratch that.. Lets think about now. And the present. Because, it was me who hit you up first, wasn’t it? Assertiveness and Determination, Just to get at you. Man.. I was fooled. I got caught up with my sillyness, and seem to have gotten sprung. Oh no! so lets go back to where it all begun. It was you and me. And little messages filled with cute-ness. Who would have known. Look at how my feelings have grown.. grown so much over you. Grownover, like overgrowns of grass,and moss,and plants,pish-posh. Now I don’t know I’m even saying. Leaving me in now.. what I call a “confusion” of an indirect, yet direct Message to you. Almost every night now waiting for the clock to strike 9. Waiting on that one special call from that one dime.. That’s right.. You’re a 10. 5 for being gorgeous, And another 5 for being this barbie’s ,ken. I’m not tryna say we’re artificial plastic. But a perfect match and … Yeah. I believe it . Although you get angry at me over the stupid things I do. You still stay,and say “were not through”. I don’t get it. For someone as great as you… What could make you possibly still want to stay around and try with me. The happiness you give me,simply explains itself,exclaims itself.. And honestly… I’m being selfish with what you have provide for me. I just hope, I satisfy you the same way… Just waiting for the day we can change from “I like you” to “I love you”

 .. Forever and a day. 

sensual healing,

close to sexual healing, the feeling that will heal you faster than herb,faster than that “pill” or that “dro” or that, “you know” .faster than those “sorrys” or those “my bad’s” or “she was just another ____” you know.or , those tweets on twitter talking about “oh baby im falling” shut up.youre just another lust bust, that only lasts a second,cos the true meaning of lust,is forever. and forever is for never, stormin through any kind of weather..but never mind that, youre taking up my time, MY time,my dollars,my bills,my clock,my gloc,the gloc held to your brain,wastin’ of a bullet, heading towards your slow intellect that just doesnt get it .. quit it.thats what you told ya boys right? ”she was just a hit it and quit it”but when the tables turn , im the one asking if you “get it” .yea.. you’re right. you “get it” you “got it” and now its gone, and now im singing a different song , you lost me, in words that can never be healed. but then again , we were always on that love/hate battle field.sensual healing, oh that sensual healing, the feeling , of the reeling of another human being, that makes you feel whole again.you arent the greatest, but… in this bloody war? ill try again,and again, til , i feel our love is better times by ten.I may fall but you pick me up, on those little “pick me up”, lines.. the lines that i write on, contained in only my composition book, everynight you took a look, a look inside of my little black book,that contained rhymes and hooks,to stories of you and me, to where we’d sit down and just be.. let’s just be, thats what ne-yo and miguel jontel sang, so.. id sit in my sweats watching a dvd, baby , we were just being. and me to be so blind for not seeing, for-seeing what you’ve been hiding,and not see that you’ve been lying. lying in this bed as well, in front of MY face, cos you thought i was running at a slower pace. but now, im sitting here, in my place. collecting my mind as i talk to you, cos you made me look stupid, and look - a - fool. you’re hilareous, and although you made me feel “delirious”.. you arent all that, youre just a bag of chips,and which follows with the word “dip”